Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
