i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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