I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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