I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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