i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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