Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize