i don't like sucking hair
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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