Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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