He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize