glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
