they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
