Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
