Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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