You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
