Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
love makes seman taste better
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
