We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
