i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
