i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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