i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
