ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
