So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I am morally bankrupt
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
