I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We left the knife in your bed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
