Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
