I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this will be a night to untag.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
