I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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