yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize