i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh god the rape fog is back!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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