i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
