if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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