just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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