life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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