Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
