No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
