He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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