my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
