just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
