I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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