Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize