Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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