he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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