Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's never too late to be topless.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
