go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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