My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
