Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
