Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
