loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
