Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
