morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
