You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
