If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
try to milk me bitch
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