Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
