Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize