u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
