Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
