I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
