Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
