I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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