i was born a porn star she said
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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