3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
