I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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