You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
