my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's Friday. Sex?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
