On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
