You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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