bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
