you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
