he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
