she looked like the before picture.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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