You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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